Seven Days in Cardended: Monday

You wanna know the difference between UltraSamp and Cardended?

Well, I’ll tell you a story…

Thousands of miles east of here, there are these shitty islands. Nothing ever bleedin’ well happens there anymore. Still, way back when we fought a ton of wars over ’em. Nowadays, they’re basically forgotten nature reserves. On the largest island Tuxedo Atoll there’s these birds. Big black ugly things they are. Look kinda like a seagull after an oil slick. Thing is, they mate for life and are fiercely loyal to each other and proper territorial. And they only live on this one island.

About forty years ago there was this big weather pattern shift cuz of sunspots or summink. Big thing it was. The jet stream went mental and we had this crazy east to west wind for about four months.

Anyhoo, these two pairs of birds get blown all the way to UltraSamp. One pair ends up in UltraSamp Belsamber. The the other pair gets blown way up north north to Cardended.

The UltraSamp pair are first spotted nesting on the old chancellery building overlooking Cord Park. Big media hoo-ha! The mayor at the time declares the park a high security area. They do a ton of surveys for stuff like noise pollution. They fly zoologists in from everywhere. Snipers are deployed around the park to take out any stray cats etc. etc.

A real effort to help ’em settle in and survive y’know?

In any case, the birds stuck around for a year before karking it in the harsh winter. Ungrateful bastards.

The pair that made it to Cardended? They nested in the eaves of The Hanged Bob Tavern.

Where some wise guy shot ’em, stuffed ’em and tried to sell ’em to a museum!