Essays from nowhere

“Where every day doesn’t start with an alarm clock and end with the television.”

-Chuck Palahniuk

Seven Days in Cardended: Monday

Thousands of miles east of here there are these shitty islands. Nothing ever bleedin’ well happens there anymore, but way back when we fought a ton of wars over em.

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8 Ball Zombies

No official source or origin was ever confirmed for the 8-Ball strain of the deadly XOM-B virus. It is indeed fortunate that the outbreak in UltraSamp’s financial quarter was contained quickly.

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STRAW GOLEM: ABLE

Straw Golems were used extensively by the AsaNui armed forces during the last Great War, in particular the failed invasion of UltraSamp.

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STRAW GOLEM: BAKER

I remember my old man bursting through the front door, all nervous energy and fear, shouting “There’s a bloody Straw Golem in the pig pen!’ in that booming voice of his.

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STRAW GOLEM: CHARLIE

During the AsaNui withdrawal from UltraSamp, Straw Golems where used primarily to cover the army’s retreat. Their prime mission was to effectively tar pit the UltraSamp counter offensive, slowing it enough to allow for AsaNui’s full retreat to their prime staging area.

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STRAW GOLEM: DOG

It was a weird looking thing, that’s for sure. I watched it from the top of the paddock as it criss-crossed the pig pen. Moving from one side until it bumped into the opposite fence and then turning unsteadily, before roaming off again. Repeat, repeat, repeat.

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The Error 404: 1. Mikey

Classification: Gen 5 All-purpose drone.

Manufacturer: US/T Systems.

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The Error 404: 2. Walt

Class: Gen 4 Heavy Industry

Manufacturer: Chassis: US/T Systems, OS: US/T Industrial Research

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